Swimming

Well, I got to go swimming today and it was awesome! I am worn out and tired, but it is so worth it. I swam 500 meters. It was no small feet. I remember doing 500's as a warm up, but that not being the sole exercise. I think that it is funny that I can swim 500 meters, but I can't walk that far. I think that it's funny. One of the really good things about the pool is that it is salt water and not chlorine. My legs feel wonderful. It was great to work them out without all the topside pressure. Plus it loosened my back muscles which have been getting tight lately and I am not able to get a massage yet. I am trying to get my endurance up for the little guy that is going to be here in less than a month. Well, I am pooped and my eyelids are getting heavy, yea sleep without medication. Great times. Love y'all!

Interesting

I know that I am not blogging everyday, but I am getting back on my feet again with work and driving more. It leaves me a little worn out at the end of the day. I have been having so many good days lately that I am truly exhausted when I get home and once my head hits the pillow I am out like a fat kid in dodge ball. I don't think that I would have ever thought that my life would turn out this way. I am grateful that it did because even with all the bad things that have happened I would not have had all the good that came with it. You can only smile once you shed some tears. I guess that much of this has to do with perspective. It is always different from the outside looking in than from the inside looking out. This is the first time that I have been completely open with all around me and there is a freedom that comes from that vulnerability. It was hard at first, but now it just seems normal. I guess that since I am being productive (back at work) it is easier to let the bad days go to the wayside, because I don't have the feeling of isolation. Even though during this time I was able to see my friends and get out of the house I still had to work harder to get rid of the bad feelings. I still look at the glass as being half full, however I do have a bad moment every now and again I just have more power to push it away. I am walking more and more without my walker and my balance has increased tenfold. My difficulties now go to the fact of, "What should I wear?" and "I can't believe this fits!". I know that my supporters are glad to hear this turn of events. I have definitely got to get my strength up so that I can run around with my nephew. My plan is to be walking unassisted by the middle of October. I may even be able to go see my doctor on the 9th and not have to use my walker. Wouldn't that be amazing.

Full week....

I am normal again!!!!! I finished my first week back to work. It was awesome. I still can't believe how far I have come in these past couple months. I am definitely enjoying the ride now. It took tons of hard work and support to get here.

I know I have said this before, but it needs to be said as many times as I can. My family and friends have really stepped up to the plate to help me through this tumultuous recovery. My mom and dad are my everyday heroes. I know that I have told y'all that my mom was with me everyday and that was so wonderful that I have a mom that will stand by my side through thick and thin. My dad may not have been geographically available, but phone lines work wonders. I talked to him for at least a half hour a day and multiple times at that. He is my jester.(not the funny costume way, but it wouldn't surprise me if I needed a laugh) Even if I called him with some bad news by the time the call was ending I was laughing my ass off. They have supported me through this endeavor hole heartily. I could never have created better parents then the ones that I have. One day when I have the joy of having kids I hope that I can be as good as they have been for me. It is wonderful that I have the opportunity to watch them as grandparents with my nephew. My dad gets him to make this laugh that just makes you fall over laughing. When my mom holds him and he doesn't want to let go. (him puking on her face was priceless though). (sorry mom) The love that they have shown shines through everyone they come in contact with. They are the people that you want to have as part of your life, even if it is just for a moment. I am the person I am today because of them.

If you love someone let them know it just might make their day. It helped get my feet on the ground and start walking and it gave me plenty of hope for the future. Love to all and have a great day.

Work...

Well, I have been at work for almost a full week now. Talk about being a productive member of society again. It feels so good to actually earn a paycheck. Normal life is coming back slowly, but surely. I have been tired after work that is why I haven't been writing as much. I forgot how tiring it is. I found out today that the community college down the road has open swim time from 11am to 3pm which is before I have to go to work. The reason I mention this is because they have a handicap entrance into the water and lifeguards on duty as well. Not saying that anything will happen, but since I haven't done any unsupervised working out I think for my first couple tries I should have someone to watch over me. I will try to go this weekend weather permitting. This way I can loosen up my leg muscles and strengthen them at the same time. Plus I can work on my balance and build up my endurance. Things are going so good right now, it is always good to see yourself taking steps in the right direction. (pun intended)

First Day

Well, today was my first day back at work. I was a little anxious about going back, but I was away for four months. It went really well. I got to see a lot of my friends from work and got updated on what has gone on. It was raining on my way there so that added a little sweat on my forehead, oh and there was traffic too. I made all in one piece and home just the same.

On my recovery I am using the walker less and less. I don't use it at all at the house and I walked to the car today without my walker. Yeah! When I got home I took the walker out of the car and left it folded and walker to the front door. It has been a fruitful day on all ends plus I am extremely tired so I am gonna call it a night.

Nice people

I went to get groceries today and got to ride around in the little scooter. Fun times. It still amazes me the kindness of strangers. People offered to get me stuff off the high shelves, but the coolest part was when I got out to the car and this woman was walking up and she asked if I needed any help and I said no, but she insisted anyway. She unloaded all the groceries into the trunk of my car. I am still shocked that there are good people still in this world. She asked me what happened and I told her then she asked if I prayed. It blew me away, but before I could think of a response I blurted out that I did.(it's true) Then as she was leaving she told me that we are all in God's hands and that all we have to do is pray. Talk about hitting the nail on the head. Then on the way home still having that phrase running through my head a song comes on and the line that stood out was " You can only smile until you have shed some tears". It has definitely been a day of good thoughts and gratitude. It gave me a little time to think of how great that I have it even with all that is going on I am still blessed.

When I got home I unloaded all the food by myself.(sweet) Then I started to cook. I made chile rellenos and Mexican rice plus two cookie sheets worth of sausage rolls for breakfast. Man was it good. I was starting to get tired and hot(oven's tend to do that) thankfully I had a stool in the kitchen cause I lost my balance and started to fall. I'm glad that I did all that upper body work and that I have quick reflexes when it comes to my arms and hands. I grabbed the stool and steadied myself luckily I had just put down the cookie sheet. After that nice little moment I said to myself (since I was alone it was out loud) maybe I should sit down. To the table I went and rested for a minute while the rice finished. Good thing that things need time to cook. Once the timer went off I got up again and was able to function. By the way I did all this and unloading the car without my walker. I was right by the front door so it wasn't a long walk, but hey still no falls. Yeah buddy! I am starting to see more improvements and know that I am getting better. It still sucks that it is taking longer than I hoped, but hey things don't always happen in my time frame. At least I know at the end of the day that I am getting better slowly, but surely. I still remember when the neurologist came into my room and said that there was a high possibility that I would never walk again. When I get down about how slow this seems to be going I still go back to that hospital bed and think, "Wow I have made it this far!" Even if I have a bad day and write about it don't think that I am as upset as it seems. I just need to get those thoughts out so the good one's don't get pushed out.

When you are going through a rough patch and I have had my share I learned from a quote that,"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!" Sometimes it just takes a little time for the good things in life to arrive, but at least I know that they will.

Attractive much?????

I guess since my surgery I haven't really felt attractive and I keep getting told that you are recovering. I'm sorry, but that does not satisfy my vanity. Yes, believe it or not I do have a vain side. I just tend to let it hide out most of the time. This has been a tough shot on my pride too. Well, I have been looking for these pants since I got home, and tonight I found them.(YEAH) I was so excited and I can wear them this weekend and that is one step closer to my happy vain-o-meter. We all tend to feel better when we feel that we are attractive even if it is just in our own eyes.

Onto other news...I know that I haven't talked much about my recovery in awhile, but there are so good news. I am now walking around the house without my walker so I can get my balance back. Well, I have only been doing that at the house, but tonight Mom asked if I wanted to go with her and if I could get to the car without the walker. Well, I did! The main setback that I am still having is m right foot it doesn't want to get back in the game just yet, but it is getting there. Each day forward I have more than the previous. Sometimes it is hard to see the good through all the crap that is there. Like seeing the forest through the trees. Perspectives are always different from the outside looking in than from the inside looking out. I guess what I am saying is that these times may be hard and I wish that it was all grins and giggles, but unfortunately this is my hand that I have been dealt and I'm trying to play it out to the best I can.

I am blessed for all the support that I have in my life, and there are times that I take it for granted when I am having a bad day. Trust me on this I have had more good days than bad. It is that the bad days are easier to detect and get out of now then before when I was in those places. I don't feel as trapped and helpless now as I did. Coming from a mostly independent person to have to rely on someone else for everything was the worst. It is really good that I figured out why I was so unhappy after having such a good time and that was wonderful and a relief. I have a great weekend planned to hang out with some friends and then hopefully go back to work on Monday. I think that will help as well just doing something that is productive. So to everyone have a great day and smile it increases your face value! :D

Aha

I had plenty of issues trying to figure out why I would have such an emotional shift lately. The reason is that I have to leave before a function is over or that time together is coming to an end. The tears just start to fall once I am on my own. My "Aha" moment came when I was driving home on Saturday when I had been out for almost 12 hours and then being utterly exhausted from the day and on the drive home the tears came. I cocked my head to one side and then let out a muffled laugh. When you have one of the moments and you start to talk to yourself and the rest of the way home I just laughed. Having that moment of clarity has helped greatly because understanding what is going on helps to deal and accept the response. It is so great to know why and not be so dumbfounded about the range of emotions. I enjoy the fact that I know when it happens, I can just let the moment happen then move on and not try to diagnose the problem for the following days.

Onto other subjects. It is great to be able to enjoy myself. To have fun again. I am having times that I can walk without my walker and get used to the balance of my body all over again. How cool is that?! When I am at home I hardly use the walker at all. I can't wait until I am completely better and not having to use any additional equipment to help myself move around.

I am having a great time lately and have been too busy to write, but more is on the way I just needed a break for a little while. I am hopefully going back to work next week so if there is another break I'm sorry I just haven't worked for almost 5 months. Have a great day and enjoy every breath that you take. It is truly a great time to be in a good mood.