Whirlwind...

For starters happy holidays to all who enjoy reading my entries. I guess I have learned that my life is not going to slow down especially since I can walk around a lot more and a lot faster. Also, I don't think that it is in my genes to slow down either. A big person of making pros and con's lists' I seem to find out lately that the pros seem to win out 99% of the time. It can be very exhausting. However being the undeterred individual that I am, I am enjoying all the little blessings and craziness that has stemmed my way.

It has been 7 looong months since my life changing surgery and for that I am truly grateful. I now know how to cherish every part of every day through the good and the bad. I do get my daily dose of good and bad, but as selfish as I can be I now realize that I am not that special(everybody has them just different circumstances). I guess sometimes it takes a stiff kick in the rear to actually see how you can better yourself and how to go about it. These have been my lessons.

1. No matter who you are there is ALWAYS someone in a worse situation than you!

2. Be grateful for what you have because it could be gone in a minute.

3. Cherish your loved ones because in times of struggle they will have your back.

4. If there is an opportunity for you to help someone else SEIZE IT! Because in that moment, through that act of kindness you could change someone's day or life, and it just might be your own.

5. Always look at the glass as being half full because more things are possible when you have optimism.

6. Take on something that you don't think that you can do, you will amaze yourself when you complete it.

7. Always remember to keep a smile on your face even if you are having a bad day think of a happy thought and it can change the rest of your day.

8. Never be afraid of laughing at yourself and ALWAYS find humor in life. "Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred" -Pico Iyer

9. Never give up!

10. Never give into fear or it will take over your life.



In my own way these are like my ten commandments. After all that I have seen, felt and went through in the past 7+ months these 10 things are critical to my survival. I don't think that I could ever stress enough how much this has tested my faith, courage and love for another human being. Life goes on it is as simple as that. With out the love and support that I received through this whole ordeal I wouldn't be here writing down this story. If I had let my fear take the wheel I sure as heck would still be lying in a hospital bed having to press a call button to get turned every 4-6 hours. I have also learned that you don't have to always do something with grace, because when you are in the trenches of your life struggles it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is making it to the other side as unscathed as you possibly can. I was told once after telling my story of this last year that I gave someone hope. It stopped me for a second because I didn't know how to respond and it is a humbling moment as well. In prior entries you know I have a saying there is always a catch. I looked back at her and told her that she gave me hope to for the struggles that she was going through too. In her mind they were minimal to mine, but in my eyes they were pretty bad. It is all about perspective, hence number 1.



I realized that I get to be grateful everyday for my little blessings if I take the time to see that they are there. My family is the greatest gift that I could have ever gotten. I may still have to use a walker for long distances, but I have a bounce in my step. For the first time in a long time I get to work on me and she the changes not just in the mirror, but in my attitude as well. I know now that NOTHING is impossible!



I am not young and by no means am I old. I have gotten to see quite a few things in my 28 years on this earth(my bday is in 2 days)(sweeet!) and I don't have any regrets. I have had my struggles and my triumphs, and through those I got a life that I cherish. Today I get to see my little victories that make each day a new adventure. I still remember the day when the neurologist came into my room and told me that there was a high probability that I may never walk again, and yet here I am walking around without a walker most of the time. Thankfully it didn't happen overnight and I had to work for it which made the rewards so much better.



I also meant to add that a loved one isn't always family by blood, it can be friends that have turned into family. I have two people that have been such pillars of strength through this that they have turned into family. They went from being just a friend to a brother and a sister that no matter what I can always count on. For a person who hasn't had a friend to last longer than a couple of years this is a blessing in itself.



I guess what I am trying to say is that take a moment to look around you and see the blessings that you have. You may not find thousands, but I can guarantee that you will find one and one is what you have to write down first before adding the rest of the zeroes!



Thank you for putting up with my long winded details of my life. To all the people who read this and get something out of this "I love you and thank you for all your support!" Have a great rest of your holidays.

The pain is dwindling

Well, I am having plenty of pain free days and am not even getting sore a lot of days too. This surgery was such a blessing I am so grateful that I had it everyday. I had a few bad days this week, but that was do to a fall and I think I twisted my ankle, but since the feeling hasn't entirely come back I'm not able to tell for sure. I just know that it hurt to walk on and that in turn worked its way up since I was off kilter. It is better now though. It is great to finally be able to go through a day and not be doubled over in pain. I am seriously questioning if they worked on my thyroid during my surgery because I keep losing weight. I am almost two pant sizes down and a shirt size. I never thought that I would feel this great. Well, I am getting tired and have to run some errands before work so nite-nite.

Wow

I'm still going on a crazy pace hopefully all will slow down soon enough. More than likely after the holidays. This weekend I was hanging out with my friend and her daughter and I ran into one of the therapists from the rehab hospital. When she saw me she said "OH MY GOD YOU ARE WALKING!" well if I needed a little boost in my ego that sure did do the trick. I do have my moments where I can't see how far I have come. Little run ins like that keep my spirit gung ho about getting back to full Marcie.

I still have my moments of fear though few and far between they show their heads. Which is still great having fear keeps you human. I'm currently scared to go to sleep that when I open my eyes I will wake up back in one of those places again and this all will be a dream. If I feel it coming about before I go to bed I usually just say a quick prayer and I am good to go. Thank God I have a checks and balances system so my right and left brain can quit arguing. Life is too short to constantly second guess yourself. By the way I only use my walker at work how wonderful is that. Hugs and kisses!!!!

Long time gone.....

I am so sorry for you avid readers that it has been a long time since my last blog. I got really busy with family coming into town, working full time and making my nephew laugh.(the joy of life) Things have been going so well that I sometimes forget to tell about the good and not just the bad. I still get humbled every day and a good dose of gratitude. I am so happy that I was able to spend time with my family while they were here and not be in any pain. My family could tell the big difference in my attitude and my weight loss. I am almost 2 pant sizes down and between 30-40 pounds. I think that I am not exercising that much, but I am constantly walking around and my energy level has shot through the roof.



I have found new ways to curb my depression moments. If you have never seen Jeff Dunham you need to check him out he will crack you up. Go to jeffdunham.com. It is awesome.


Well, it is getting late and these 40 hour weeks are kicking my butt. Goodnight and have a great rest of the week!

Swimming

Well, I got to go swimming today and it was awesome! I am worn out and tired, but it is so worth it. I swam 500 meters. It was no small feet. I remember doing 500's as a warm up, but that not being the sole exercise. I think that it is funny that I can swim 500 meters, but I can't walk that far. I think that it's funny. One of the really good things about the pool is that it is salt water and not chlorine. My legs feel wonderful. It was great to work them out without all the topside pressure. Plus it loosened my back muscles which have been getting tight lately and I am not able to get a massage yet. I am trying to get my endurance up for the little guy that is going to be here in less than a month. Well, I am pooped and my eyelids are getting heavy, yea sleep without medication. Great times. Love y'all!

Interesting

I know that I am not blogging everyday, but I am getting back on my feet again with work and driving more. It leaves me a little worn out at the end of the day. I have been having so many good days lately that I am truly exhausted when I get home and once my head hits the pillow I am out like a fat kid in dodge ball. I don't think that I would have ever thought that my life would turn out this way. I am grateful that it did because even with all the bad things that have happened I would not have had all the good that came with it. You can only smile once you shed some tears. I guess that much of this has to do with perspective. It is always different from the outside looking in than from the inside looking out. This is the first time that I have been completely open with all around me and there is a freedom that comes from that vulnerability. It was hard at first, but now it just seems normal. I guess that since I am being productive (back at work) it is easier to let the bad days go to the wayside, because I don't have the feeling of isolation. Even though during this time I was able to see my friends and get out of the house I still had to work harder to get rid of the bad feelings. I still look at the glass as being half full, however I do have a bad moment every now and again I just have more power to push it away. I am walking more and more without my walker and my balance has increased tenfold. My difficulties now go to the fact of, "What should I wear?" and "I can't believe this fits!". I know that my supporters are glad to hear this turn of events. I have definitely got to get my strength up so that I can run around with my nephew. My plan is to be walking unassisted by the middle of October. I may even be able to go see my doctor on the 9th and not have to use my walker. Wouldn't that be amazing.

Full week....

I am normal again!!!!! I finished my first week back to work. It was awesome. I still can't believe how far I have come in these past couple months. I am definitely enjoying the ride now. It took tons of hard work and support to get here.

I know I have said this before, but it needs to be said as many times as I can. My family and friends have really stepped up to the plate to help me through this tumultuous recovery. My mom and dad are my everyday heroes. I know that I have told y'all that my mom was with me everyday and that was so wonderful that I have a mom that will stand by my side through thick and thin. My dad may not have been geographically available, but phone lines work wonders. I talked to him for at least a half hour a day and multiple times at that. He is my jester.(not the funny costume way, but it wouldn't surprise me if I needed a laugh) Even if I called him with some bad news by the time the call was ending I was laughing my ass off. They have supported me through this endeavor hole heartily. I could never have created better parents then the ones that I have. One day when I have the joy of having kids I hope that I can be as good as they have been for me. It is wonderful that I have the opportunity to watch them as grandparents with my nephew. My dad gets him to make this laugh that just makes you fall over laughing. When my mom holds him and he doesn't want to let go. (him puking on her face was priceless though). (sorry mom) The love that they have shown shines through everyone they come in contact with. They are the people that you want to have as part of your life, even if it is just for a moment. I am the person I am today because of them.

If you love someone let them know it just might make their day. It helped get my feet on the ground and start walking and it gave me plenty of hope for the future. Love to all and have a great day.